Eric had lived alone for 10 years, ever since his wife died of cancer. Although he had good relationships with all of his children, Eric was often lonely. He tried to get out and participate in social events, but it just wasn’t the same as having someone with whom he could share his entire life. We had worked with Eric through his wife’s cancer journey and still kept in touch. Eric had made a future care plan with us but was still very independent, so we only checked in every couple months to make sure everything was going smoothly.
Eric often used Facebook to keep up on his family and friends’ activities, especially after his daughter and her family moved away. Recently, Eric had made a new friend, Lori, on Facebook and they had started talking over instant messaging. As Eric kept talking to Lori, he liked her more and more. She told him that she had also lost her spouse and had many of the same interests that Eric had. She even knew the names of some of his classmates from high school who had moved to her area! Eric wanted to meet Lori in person, but something always came up for Lori that made it impossible for them to meet. She would have family in town, or be going to visit a friend, or have to take care of a last-minute emergency whenever they had planned on meeting.
One day, Lori messaged Eric with some bad news: her daughter had been diagnosed with the same cancer that Eric’s wife had. Lori needed money to help her daughter pay for the treatments. Would Eric be willing to send over VISA gift cards to help out? Lori said she hated to ask for money but didn’t know where else to turn.
Eric felt for Lori. He knew what it was like for someone you love to be sick and still have to worry about finances. He began sending gift cards to the PO box address Lori had given him whenever he could. Sometimes it was $50, sometimes $100. Eric’s son Tom was on his bank account and noticed that Eric was making these irregular withdrawals. Concerned, Tom called Eric to ask about the withdrawals. Eric became defensive, saying that he could do with his money what he liked and it was none of Tom’s business. Tom thought this was an odd reaction from his normally easy-going father but didn’t want to start a fight. He called Eric’s care manager to see if she could stop by for a wellness check and see if anything was wrong.
When the care manager visited, Eric told her about Lori. He hadn’t wanted to tell Tom because he was afraid that Tom would think he was replacing Tom’s mother. The care manager listened to Eric’s concerns and assured him that it was entirely normal and natural to want a new relationship. She did express concern over the financial turn this relationship had taken, especially since Eric and Lori had never met in person.
The care manager told Eric about the existence of “romance scams”. In these situations, scammers use online platforms to form a fake relationship with someone, then ask for money or gifts after they’ve established trust. The care manager understood that Eric felt very attached to Lori, so she didn’t exclude the possibility that Lori was a real person. She did, however, convince Eric to stop the payments until he could meet Lori in person in a public place. The care manager warned Eric that if Lori was a scammer, she would probably try to emotionally manipulate him if he stopped the payments.
Eric messaged Lori to say that he wanted to meet in person before giving her any more money. Lori responded by saying that she couldn’t believe he would put this kind of stress on her at a time like this and she was busier than ever trying to help her daughter. She said she needed the money he was sending or her daughter would be evicted from her apartment for late payments. Eric was now suspicious as well, since this added pressure and emotional manipulation were exactly what the care manager said a scammer would do. Eric repeated that he would not be sending over more money without a meeting. Lori suddenly stopped responding and her profile disappeared off of Facebook.
Eric contacted the care manager and told her what had happened. She helped Eric file a report with the police and report the scam to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center. Eric called Tom to apologize for his reaction and to thank him for speaking up before Eric lost more money. The care manager talked to Eric about his loneliness and offered to help him get involved with more projects in the community. She also spoke to Eric’s children about visiting more often if possible.
Our care managers help seniors like Eric everyday. Our unique position as professionals often makes it easier for seniors to share their struggles with us instead of their family members, since there is less emotional weight in discussing their issues. Reach out to Palm Beach Care Management today to learn how we can help your family.
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