Driving can be a very sensitive topic to approach with your aging loved one. Driving allows people to do what they want, when they want. As a teenager or young adult, getting a driver’s license is a sign of maturity and gives you the ability to take charge of your own life. Having that taken away can make someone feel as if they are being treated like a child again.
In addition to the emotional complications, asking your aging loved one to give up driving is difficult practically. How will they get to doctor’s appointments? Grocery shop? Visit friends? This becomes even more complicated if your aging loved one lives alone. Many seniors want to live as independently as possible, and driving is a crucial part of maintaining that independence.
Seeing the Signs
Since the conversation around giving up the car keys involves so many emotional and practical complications, you want to be sure that it is necessary before bringing it up. Here are some signs that your aging loved one’s driving is becoming a danger to them and others on the road:
- trouble making turns
- confusion at highway exits
- difficulty parking
- confusing the brake and gas pedals
- hitting curbs
- failing to notice stop signs or traffic lights
- getting lost in familiar places
- scrapes or dents on car, house, garage, etc.
- traffic violations
Navigating the Conversation
If you notice several of these signs in your aging loved one’s driving, it may be time to initiate a conversation about giving up the car keys. Bringing in a third-party, objective professional can often make this conversation easier. A primary care physician can write a letter to the DMV requesting that a senior’s driving be evaluated for them to keep their license. A care manager can also provide an unbiased opinion on the senior’s driving, helping relieve some of the emotional tension in the situation. A care manager can also provide practical solutions and alternative transportation options, removing the practical concerns involved in giving up driving.
However you choose to bring up the conversation about driving, always approach it with respect for the dignity of your aging loved one. Avoid infantilizing language and listen to their concerns and thoughts on the matter. Focus the conversation on the danger that unsafe driving brings to other drivers on the road, passengers, and pedestrians instead of only the danger it brings to your aging loved one. This focus on others can help your loved one think more objectively about their driving skill level, since they may dismiss danger to themselves but understand the need to keep others safe.
Reach out to Palm Beach Care Management for more help in navigating aging and caregiving hurdles.
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